Saturday, June 30, 2007

Yi's Milkshake Brings All the Girls to the Yard



Here's a Yi commercial for a Chinese milk producer that might be the most confusing thing I've ever seen (Deadspin, RealGM). That said, it also suggests Yi not only loves milk, but views it as a means of luring attractive girls into love triangles. Who said the Dairy State wasn't a great location for Yi? He's going to have a field day in Wisconsin. The UWM sorority girls won't know what hit them.

I suppose I could find a translation of what's going on, but I can't imagine it would make any sense to me, so here's my interpretation:

  1. The beginning is actually the end. Non-linear narrative! This is going to be like a Tarrantino movie.
  2. Yi is late for a basketball game, which makes the hot manager girl nervous.
  3. Where is Yi? There he is! Speeding on his bike, the 7'1" 240 lb Yi absolutely annihilates a cute girl with a violin who's lost and standing in his way on the sidewalk.
  4. She's OK! Her elbow hurts and her precious violin is wrecked, but Yi immediately wins her over by offering a small juicebox of milk. Problem solved.
  5. Yi gives her a lift to the game, where the manager chick is waiting and not pleased. But she knows the violin girl! Sensing the potential for a hot threesome, Yi immediately runs away.
  6. Cut to the game. Yi dunks. Victory is assured.
  7. Meanwhile, violin girl is off practicing on an invisible violin, since Yi totally wrecked hers. Yi shows up, with more milk. And a replacement violin. Smooth.
  8. Violin girl is eating it up and all over Yi. But then manager chick shows up and sees her making a move on Yi. The only thing that can allay her sorrow is her juicebox full of milk, which she promptly offers Yi to win him back.
  9. Manager chick needs a new angle--so she's joining a band. Yi shows up at practice, with milk. NICE. And now violin chick is texting both of them. Meet her on the bridge? OK...kinky.
  10. Violin girl is leaving. Alas, time's remorseless arrow! But she's got milk for both of them! And she seems to be enjoying her strawberry milk. And you know what? We all learned something today.
  11. Close with shot of Yi slo-mo running after violin girl and manager chick. For obvious reasons.
UPDATE: We've got Part II over at our new digs, Brew Hoop.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hilarious account of the events. Just made my day.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious account of the commercial. Just made my day.

Anonymous said...

Wow, That must be some milk!!!

Anonymous said...

As best I can tell, all they're saying in Chinese is basically, either "Hey", "I'm sorry", "What's up?" and "I brought you some milk."

Basically, it's just as confusing in Chinese as it is in English.

Anonymous said...

the only thing I can say for sure is that the "manager" is crystal liu
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liu_Yifei

Anonymous said...

The last part on the texting is

"The three of us will always be friends..."

The report is written is pretty well considering that the commercial was in a whole different language... Pretty much hits it on the head.

Apparently the manager was being harassed in the beginning and then Yi arrives... with MILK! And then when Yi gives violin girl milk and they hug, the trainer comes in and tells Yi to watch her performance.. with some tickets.

Its confusing... especially as an advertisement for milk...

Anonymous said...

Those two girls are friends. Yi's girl writes the music the other girl plays violin. THe Yi crashes into the girl. To make it up to her he give her his juice box. The girl is intriegued so she goes with Yi to his game. Then she see her old friend from elementary school. They hug and Yi gives them both a juice box. Then he dunks. Then they have a threesome and send the violin girl on her way.

Max said...

Thats great! Hilarious

jp1960 said...

Both of the girls are adorable. That is the only redeeming quality of this otherwise ridiculous commercial

Anonymous said...

Are Chinese commercials always 2+ minutes long? I nominate it for foreign film of the year.

Anonymous said...

giggidy giggidy!

Anonymous said...

This is actually a commercial for a yogurt drink, not milk.

###This is an accurate account of the story###

The story starts out on a bridge, where all three of the main characters are standing-- Yi, violin girl, and basketball girl.

The story continues on as a recall of as event that happened between these three people.

Basketball girl is apparently a ball/towel girl for the team. The team is warming up, getting ready for the game. The coach comes up and asks basketball girl, who is close to Yi, where he is.

Yi is seen speeding down the street on his bike, late to the game for some reason. In close proximity, violin girl apparently came back to the town. I say came back to the town because she wanders around and performs at different places as a drifter.

Back to the scene of the basketball game, the coach is yelling at basketball girl telling her the game is about to begin.

Violin girl was carelessly strolling down the street while looking at sheet music. Yi is still speeding down the street, and hits the violin girl. Violin girl hurt her elbow, and her violin is smashed. She looks up, mad at the person that hit her, but sees the yogurt drink. Her mood is lightened by the yogurt drink.

Basketball girl is getting frustrated, and calls Yi. The basketball girl is mumbling "Weird, if you don't come right now...".

Yi doesn't pick up because of the accident. Even though the yogurt made her feel better, violin girl is still sadly holding her beloved violin.

Yi races back to the basketball game, bringing the violin girl with him. Basketball girl is mad, and throws the ball at him when Yi walks into the gym.

The violin girl then spots basketball girl, and they apparently know eachother. The violin girl left town to drift, and they were previously acquainted somehow (possibly as childhood friends or through music).

Basketball girl says "It's you!!! When did you come back?" and then tells Yi "Hurry, the game is about to start".

Yi dunks, and his team wins the game.

Violin girl is then in a music classroom practicing, while imagining (her violin was smashed) playing the music on a violin. She gets tired, and starts to doze off a little.

At this time, Yi comes in with the yogurt drink, and then he pulls out a violin. Yi hands violin girl the violin and says "Here you go, it's fixed."

While violin girl gives Yi a hug while saying "Thank you.", basketball girl coincidently just arrived outside the classroom. She came looking for violin girl, and is also drinking the yogurt drink.

Basketball girl hands Yi some tickets, and asks him to come to her music performance. Although she is the ball/towel girl of the basketball team, her main thing is music (that is why she possibly met violin girl through music). She also asks the violin girl to come to her performance.

The violin girl seems to have something on her mind. She is feeling bad about being seen smooching with basketball girl's crush, Yi.

She is sitting on the gym floor, drinking yogurt. She is thinking in her mind "I lost this one, but I'll there's always a next one."

Right here she is talking about the encounter of violin girl with Yi. She is looking at it as a competition, and vows to impress Yi with her music performance.

While basketball girl is rehearsing before her performance, Yi comes in, offers her a yogurt drink, and asks her how she is doing. Basketball girl then asks "where is violin girl?".

Yi then says "she's not here yet?".

Violin girl was standing outside, hesistating whether or not to go in. She then settles with a text message that says "The three of us are good friends forever."

By doing this, violin girl subtly backs out of the "competition" for Yi. There actually is no competition, but it just seemed to basketball girl, since she barged into their lives.

The flashback ends, and Yi, violin, and basketball girl are standing on the bridge. Violin girl tells them that she is leaving, while handing them both a yogurt drink.

All three of them smile at eachother, and everyone is now drinking the yogurt drink.

Violin girl looks back, and the story ends. There is another scene where all three are running together. This scene is probably trying to depict Yi and basketball girl running with her to walk her to the end of the bridge. Also, it is another chance to show off the milk boxes from a company standpoint.

###This is an accurate account of the story###

Anonymous said...

This is actually a commercial for a yogurt drink, not milk.

###This is an accurate account of the story###

The story starts out on a bridge, where all three of the main characters are standing-- Yi, violin girl, and basketball girl.

The story continues on as a recall of as event that happened between these three people.

Basketball girl is apparently a ball/towel girl for the team. The team is warming up, getting ready for the game. The coach comes up and asks basketball girl, who is close to Yi, where he is.

Yi is seen speeding down the street on his bike, late to the game for some reason. In close proximity, violin girl apparently came back to the town. I say came back to the town because she wanders around and performs at different places as a drifter.

Back to the scene of the basketball game, the coach is yelling at basketball girl telling her the game is about to begin.

Violin girl was carelessly strolling down the street while looking at sheet music. Yi is still speeding down the street, and hits the violin girl. Violin girl hurt her elbow, and her violin is smashed. She looks up, mad at the person that hit her, but sees the yogurt drink. Her mood is lightened by the yogurt drink.

Basketball girl is getting frustrated, and calls Yi. The basketball girl is mumbling "Weird, if you don't come right now...".

Yi doesn't pick up because of the accident. Even though the yogurt made her feel better, violin girl is still sadly holding her beloved violin.

Yi races back to the basketball game, bringing the violin girl with him. Basketball girl is mad, and throws the ball at him when Yi walks into the gym.

The violin girl then spots basketball girl, and they apparently know eachother. The violin girl left town to drift, and they were previously acquainted somehow (possibly as childhood friends or through music).

Basketball girl says "It's you!!! When did you come back?" and then tells Yi "Hurry, the game is about to start".

Yi dunks, and his team wins the game.

Violin girl is then in a music classroom practicing, while imagining (her violin was smashed) playing the music on a violin. She gets tired, and starts to doze off a little.

At this time, Yi comes in with the yogurt drink, and then he pulls out a violin. Yi hands violin girl the violin and says "Here you go, it's fixed."

While violin girl gives Yi a hug while saying "Thank you.", basketball girl coincidently just arrived outside the classroom. She came looking for violin girl, and is also drinking the yogurt drink.

Basketball girl hands Yi some tickets, and asks him to come to her music performance. Although she is the ball/towel girl of the basketball team, her main thing is music (that is why she possibly met violin girl through music). She also asks the violin girl to come to her performance.

The violin girl seems to have something on her mind. She is feeling bad about being seen smooching with basketball girl's crush, Yi.

She is sitting on the gym floor, drinking yogurt. She is thinking in her mind "I lost this one, but I'll there's always a next one."

Right here she is talking about the encounter of violin girl with Yi. She is looking at it as a competition, and vows to impress Yi with her music performance.

While basketball girl is rehearsing before her performance, Yi comes in, offers her a yogurt drink, and asks her how she is doing. Basketball girl then asks "where is violin girl?".

Yi then says "she's not here yet?".

Violin girl was standing outside, hesistating whether or not to go in. She then settles with a text message that says "The three of us are good friends forever."

By doing this, violin girl subtly backs out of the "competition" for Yi. There actually is no competition, but it just seemed to basketball girl, since she barged into their lives.

The flashback ends, and Yi, violin, and basketball girl are standing on the bridge. Violin girl tells them that she is leaving, while handing them both a yogurt drink.

All three of them smile at eachother, and everyone is now drinking the yogurt drink.

Violin girl looks back, and the story ends. There is another scene where all three are running together. This scene is probably trying to depict Yi and basketball girl running with her to walk her to the end of the bridge. Also, it is another chance to show off the milk boxes from a company standpoint.

###This is an accurate account of the story###

rong said...

Basically, the slogan means "I have my own taste," which I suppose it means that although both girls are cute (and maybe both of them are interested in Yi as well), and they find themselves in a complicated situation, ultimately each one of them will make his/her own choice.

On the other hand, have no idea why the commercial is that long. I don't think that is the norm.